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| Self-induced BlindnessIt has been way too long since I have been able to write on this specific blog. Partly because I forgot the password for a long time, but here I am.
As humans, we realize that knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss. So we have to constantly ask ourselves which is more important, happiness or power. Now, I cannot think up an argument which would prove that the bliss associated with ignorance can bring power, but to many people power can ultimately bring happiness, but the road is long and generally painful, so not always is it worth it. The real problem though is whether or not we can actually enjoy our happiness depending on how we gained our power. If we crushed every rival and stepped on everyone's head along our road to power, chances are we won't be happy and can't ever be because we have to look behind our back to make sure a trained ninja isn't about to tear out our liver with his bare hands!!! But seriously, depending on how we gained our power, we may have to spend so much time watching our back that we can never enjoy what is in front of us...
But, how often do we, once we have gained power, choose to be blind to certain aspects of our life in order to pretend to be happy. Or maybe we actually are happy, but we are still blind. Sometimes that blindness is worth it, but that is very very rare. Thinking about that different ways that we blind ourselves, I have come up with three major categories: fear, ignorance, and hope. The real question: which is the worst, to be blinded by fear, ignorance, or hope?
We are blinded by fear when we choose to ignore when something is going on because we are scared we will be caught watching, so we just choose not to see what is actually happening. We are scared that the people involved will find out that we know and will try to silence us, either by confrontation or death, or we are scared that a third party will find out that we know and will either try to us the information for wrong (only happens if we like the people who are involved) or try to silence us, or we are scared of what it will mean to admit to ourselves what is actually happening. All three possibilities involve blinding ourselves. All three protect someone, either ourselves or the people involved. But is it worth it? Sometimes admitting to ourselves what is going on is painful, but that pain will allow us to heal or wake us up to the fact that we need to be healed. Sometimes confronting the people involved will give us a chance to help them out or help them to get close to us, because they now have someone to confide in. But sometimes both of these ideas aren't true. Sometimes when we confront someone about something, they fight us, get mad, hate us, and might leave our lives. But is it worth the temporary safety to just tell ourselves that nothing is happening?
The lack of sight created by ignorance is a favorite among gossipers. If you only know half the story, you don't have to have the moral, mental, and emotional confusion associated with knowing both sides of a story. If you actually know what is going on, it becomes a lot more complicated and you might not be able to make a decision because what is "right" isn't very clear. If we allow ourselves to not know the entirety of the truth, we never have to worry about harming our morals, because all we know is that a wrong was committed. Unfortunately, chances are someone probably had a reason that was at least a good one to them. Is this self-protection worth it or should we take the emotional risk and learn the complete truth?
Blinded by hope...this is a dangerous one. We hope that something will work out, that it will be alright, but we blind ourselves to the fact that it might not. That it might all fall apart. That maybe someone isn't as good of a person as they seem. That a boyfriend or a girlfriend isn't who you always thought or wished they were. That a friend might not always be able to be there. That a religion or a religious path isn't as true as you thought it was. That your mentor isn't who you should actually be. Whatever it is, it is dangerous, because being blinded by hope is being blinded by a bright white light. Being blinded by fear is like entering a dark room after being outside, you can't see for a little while and you might stumble if you try to move too much, but you can see after a short while if you just wait. Being blinded by ignorance is like walking around with your eyes shut, you don't see things simply because you choose not to, but you can open your eyes any time you want to. Being blinded by hope is like staring into the sun, if you do it too long, you won't ever be able to see again. Granted, hope is healthy. We should wish for certain things to happen, because hope is one of the biggest reasons to live. Hope makes us happy and gives us something to strive for. Hope, like the sun, is bright ray which illuminates every other aspect of our lives. But we need to be able to tell ourselves when our hope isn't what we thought it was, that we shouldn't be wishing for the things we are, that we need to stop staring at the sun and look at the world around us. Chances are once we do, it might not be as beautiful as it was in our minds. Sometimes, our eyes are so damaged, we can't see what our lives are like anymore and we need a friend to describe to us what it is actually like. And that is scaring, letting someone tell us our dream isn't true, but sometimes it is the only way to cleanse our eyes...
I would like to point out this didn't end the way I thought it would (for those of you who don't understand, that last line is an allusion to something else I once wrote), but that the situations written about before fit very well with that paragraph.
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| Enjoying EnjoymentYeah, yeah, yeah! Two entries tonight, sorry 'bout that, but I've
got a list with 10 more ideas I want to share with ya'll and the
world. But two I think will have to wait until I can explain them
in person. My yin-yang of warfare and how respect and equality
are the same thing, but like I said, those are for a later date.
So the last time I went Sufi dancing with Claire, there was one idea I
felt that Asha kept dancing around. Sorry for the pun. And
it was the idea that to be happy, one must enjoy enjoyment. And
it was very interesting for me to think about, because people can
either be happy or can't be. Technically we can be apathetic, but
then again, that technically isn't an emotional. 
So ha! it doesn't exist. It's the absence of the existence of
something that we must always experience in order to be alive.
Without emotions, we aren't living. Yes, that can be argued, but
if you aren't feeling any emotions, your body is hiding them from you
and lying to you about their existence in order to "protect" you.
Unfortunately our physical bodies are scared and don't realized that
dealing with our problems is the only way to heal, so eventually either
our mental beings decay from gangrene or our minds deal with the
problem, experience the needed pain to heal, and life becomes happy
again.
I was once told that to be happy, one must simply be happy. I
agree with that, but I like the idea that to be happy one must simply
enjoy enjoyment. I believe that it is more exact and
specific. If you include people's reactions and events in life,
there are four outcomes. We don't enjoy the unenjoyable things,
that's natural. We enjoy the unenjoyable things, that's usually
some form of masochism or sadism. We don't enjoy the enjoyable
things, that's usually some form of depression. We enjoy the
enjoyable things in life, that's what causes happiness. As I said
in my previous blog, there isn't ever one reason for anything.
Life is the same way, because there are multitudes of stimuli happening
all around us. There isn't one reason to be happy, and there
isn't one reason to be sad, so what happens is that we add up all the
sad things, add up all the happy things, and decide whether it's a good
day or a bad day. But who assigns a value to all the good and
bad? We get to, fortunately it's isn't a dictatorship we live
in. Those four results we gain from life, we decide which one is
us. We can look at the negative and decide it outways the
positive. Or we can look at the positive and decide it outways
the negative. Whether the negative is actually bad or whether the
good is actually good is up to us. But when either of those
happens, it's usually some sort of mental disorder, when we think
bad=good and vice versa, so I don't know the best way to help out with
that, sorry. So let's look at our scoring for negative things and
positive things. You fail a test, so -100 points for the day, you
get a surprise kiss or flower from your significant others +1,000,000
points. Okay,
maybe unrealistic, but sometimes it feels that way. We'll change
it to +500 points, just for an example. You're late to class
because of the kiss -50 points. You're teacher that you love and
respect yells at you for being late the 5 time that week -75
points. You get detention -150 points, which prevents you from
seeing your lover after school, which is normally the only time you
actually see each other -200 points. You ace your physics test,
best grade in the class, and it salvages your much needed "A" +300
points. Wheeze doesn't yell at you for the first time since you
started practice on your show +100 points. So just by my
completely random day and random point values, I had an overall +325
day. A reasonably good day. Maybe a so so day even.
But why did I assign those values to those things? Because I
chose to, right? What if the same things happened, but I grade
them like this. Fail a test -10 points, the kiss +500 points,
late -5, yelled at -10, detention -15, miss your lover after school
-20, ace the test +400, and don't screw up at practice +300. See
the difference? A 1140 for the day. I almost quadrupled my
score, simply by not letting the bad affect me and by enjoying the
enjoyments in my life. Happiness is really hard sometimes, I
know, I've been depressed, but sometimes we need to just pucker up and
start enjoying what little there is to enjoy. And then, when life
is going great, we can enjoy the great stuff even more.
So enjoy what you can, and don't dwell on the crap in life. I
need to follow my own advice, I know, but why can't we all help fix
each other at the same time? Enjoying enjoyment, feel good about
your mind and your body, love someone, or something, with all your
heart and enjoy the ending, no matter what happens. Enjoy the
time spent together and enjoy what you learned from them. I
taught myself to never regret a conscious decision I make, but I can
learn a little bit from each one. Even if the consequences suck,
my present love life for example, I can learn and grow and be happy
because of that. But not only can I be happy because of it, I can
be happy simply because I am happy. I can enjoy the enjoyment
that being in a relationship can bring me. Enjoying enjoyment, a
simply idea that's hard to do, but it's worth it.
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| Why vs WhatOkay, last year I tried sharing this message with my seminary class two
or three times and I think some of them actually listened and learned a
little bit, but at least these two girls actually got mad at me once
for trying to explain it. Though I do understand their
frustration. Our teacher, Brother Bennet, Cliffy's older brother,
would often try to share an idea, or do an object lesson, and I would
find some way of screwing it up. Sometimes conscientiously and
sometimes it was purely coincidence. Like when he had us do a
snowball fight during which we only got one snow ball. I
convinced my group to "bury our weapons of war" or simply give up and
not fight. It totally messed up the lesson, but it was still
fun. Anyway, why vs what, which really matters.
There are a number of situations, circumstances, and various other
variables that create which one matters more. But I'll take just
a very few of them. Only two I think, unless I think of more
while writing.
Socially: Society says
that what you do is what matters. You have to get the grade, the
cash, the job, the election, the service hours, the whatever.
What you do is more important than why you do it to society, because
what you do is visible and if someone can see it, they can measure it
and you can be rewarded or punished accordingly. In the very rare
chance that someone will talk to you and learn your motives, they MIGHT
say that why you did it actually was more important.
Religiously: Alright, if we go
off of a religious stand point, I'll the the mormon idea. God and
Jesus the Christ will judge us when we die. They will not only
judge us on our actions but also on our reasons. So we might do
something wrong for the right reasons, or we might do something "good"
for the wrong reasons. Also, remember, no one ever has only one
reason for doing anything. Humans will always have more than one
reason if the do anything. And each action has some good reasons
and some bad one. Examples will come later. It has been my
understanding and observation that to God, your reasons are more
important than your actions.
Yay for examples. You kill someone. Is it right or
wrong? Just from this information, you can not deduce whether it
is right or wrong, hopefully. (If you have deduce that killing is
right or wrong, without any evidence of what happened, you probably
believe in concrete ethics, which creates blind hatred and blind
justice, which is the best way to piss me off and if you believe in
concrete ethics, you will soon have a very long and lengthy
conversation with me, during which I will disprove all previous
thoughts you once had towards concrete ethics. Trust me, I
convinced my brothers JJ and Josh, two very devout mormons, a religious
group that so very often tries to teach concrete ethics, and my own
father, whom you have probably heard me rant and rave about many a
time, into disbelieving their previous thoughts about concrete
ethics. I even got all three to admit that murder, seduction,
adultery, fornication, and prostitution all have their rightful place
in this world. A very small place, granted, but a place all to
their own, defying their previous notions of concrete ethics.)
So, we shall say the killing was in self-defense, and your attacker
already killed your wife. Right or wrong? But wait, you
killed him in a blind rage and anger. You let your emotions run
wild and you killed him even after you had disabled his weapon and him,
so killing him was pointless. Now, was it right or wrong?
Obviously I can't answer for you, but I just want you to decide.
What matters more to you, what someone does, or why they do it.
Post your answer and explain it, I'd enjoy reading your thoughts.
Just in case you are wondering, I happen to believe the why matters
more. If you do something good for the wrong reasons, it's still
wrong. And everything can be done for the correct reasons, we
just have to convince ourselves the reasons are correct. But that
goes into a lying to yourself and some other fun topics, so I'll stop.
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| Importance of FoodHow important is food really? It's always there. Go to the
store and there's plenty, right? All cultures have realized the
importance of food and have set aside the needed amount of space and
time to grow it and as such, we all have plenty of food. But
during a late night just sitting around the kitchen and talking, my
brother Eric said that all wars can be traced back to food. To
grow food, trade food, to have food, or something involving food.
Thinking about it, I decided that yes, all wars can be traced back to
food, but also to water, lives (whether of your own village, of slaves,
or absence someone else's village), or fuel. So, while Eric
is correct, him being a chef does kind of make his opinion
objective. It also got me thinking about how important food
is. Specifically in religion and culture.
Almost all religions have sacrifices of some sort. Most involve
food. A literal sacrifice of burning food, placing food on or
around an altar, or some other way of presenting food to the
gods/God. But some groups do a fasting, the absence of
food. They give up the most precious resource in life in order to
worship their deity. Followers who practice those sacrifices are
showing that their god is more important to them than life. It's
quite romantic really.
Culture revolves around food. All holidays have specific,
traditional foods that are cooked for them. Barbeque for the
Fourth of July, turkey with "all the fixin's" for Thanksgiving, peeps
and chocolate for Easter (Religious holiday mind you and all the
symbolism comes from pagan traditions. Yay for paganistic
worship.  ),
Ramadan has a traditional breaking of the fast with a small meal of
dates and red wine, Rosh Hashanah and Hanukkah as well, though I don't
know what all are the traditions for them. I should probably
learn. And interestingly, all three of those last ones were
religiously based as well.
Interesting, no? Adults often have random cravings for totally
weird things that they ate as a child. My mother and
liverwurst. My grandmother with her lard and chocolate
sandwiches. (she grew up in Switzerland, chocolate and fat is what you
eat there. Slap them together and you've got pure
calories.) It's because people have their comfort foods.
Food makes us feel better, especially certain foods that remind us of
certain times, places, and people. (Which would explain why I
enjoy the smell of smoke, whether campfire or cigarette, both hold so
many happy memories. It's a comfort reaction.) And look at
how we present our food. Why is it that we bring out our best
dishes when company comes over? It isn't to impress them with the
dishes. It's to make the food served on the dish look better and
more appetizing. Why else would people make and buy gold goblets,
fine china, and silverware? Yes, it's a status symbol, but that's
because people place so much importance on the food itself.
I want to go farther with this, but I fear I must be boring you by now
and I have to get off, but remember how important your food
is. It's got more history than you think.
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| The beginningOkay, we'll start this off with something easy and something I've talked to many people about.
The Actor's Grading Scale
Ever wonder why you didn't get the lead in a show when try-outs were
open and you had a great try-out, better than everyone else's and
you're not the only one who thinks so, but you didn't get the
part. You got a lesser role, still a good role, but not the role
you really wanted. And someone with a worse try-out than you got
the lead role. Here is my explanation to you.
Let's say these two really impressive actors are trying out for a
show. Let's name them Cain and Abel. There are two parts
that need filling in a show, the lead and a supporting role. Both
Cain and Abel try out for both parts. To simplify our lives, we
will say that the directors decide to give all the hopefuls a score on
a scale of 1 to 10. Cain scores a 9.5 for the lead role and a 9.0
for the supporting role. Abel scores a 9.0 for the lead role and
a 4.0 for the supporting role. Cain is amazing for either part,
but Abel was really only good for the lead. Cain had the better
try-out for the better part, so it is justified that he should get the
lead role and Abel should have the supporting role. But the
directors give the lead to Abel and the supporting role to Cain.
Why? The reason is that the show as a whole is better, hopefully,
with Abel in the lead and Cain in the supporting role. A show
with a score of 18 instead of 13.5...
Of course, now Cain turns on Abel and slays him in order to obtain the lead role, but that doesn't really matter.
So the real question is, should we be honest in all of our
try-outs? If we pull an Abel and have a crappy try-out for the
supporting role, does it actually increase the likelihood of us getting
the lead? Granted, I'm only in High School and have only workied
with two directors, but I wonder how many directors actually follow
this idea. Kinda sucks...don't it.
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